5-11-09
I’m sitting here, thinking (again, I’m
always thinking) about the words
I want to write (but I can’t find them,
not today). I need to express this (need
to get this out of my body) but the words
are out of my reach (just exceeding
my grasp) and all I’m doing is thinking.
And I’m always just thinking (and there’s
nothing more dangerous). About nothing,
about everything, about all the words I scribble,
About if they mean anything to anyone (and what
it would mean if they meant nothing)
If anyone even gets what I try to say (they’d be
doing well – I don’t understand half of it myself)
I’ve created this language, this theme, this mood,
this atmosphere in all my writings, and I write in
a language I don’t understand so how can I expect
them to read a language they haven’t yet learned?
It’s just not possible, so I’ll just keep thinking (always
thinking) I’m thinking in a language I can’t speak,
And so it’s hard to transfer messages from my mind
to my heart, or my mind to ink, I can’t make sense
of my stupid self, so how can anyone else?
I can’t make sense of any of this, so how can
anyone expect anyone else to? I don’t expect
you to understand. I don’t expect anyone
to understand.