10-11-09
I watch the numbers move on the clock,
Watch the second hand move slowly,
Tick, tick tock. And I try to communicate
with my insides – like “stop feeling so
sorry for yourself”, like “snap out of it,
won’t you?” but it’s not really working at all.

I procrastinate by just staring at the clock,
Seems time’s moving way too slowly,
Tick…tick…tock. And I can’t communicate
with anything external, like I’d like to,
like, “I feel so empty”, like “I can’t even
move” I lie still in my bed, just thinking to myself.

My muscles feel like deadweights and I can’t
really even move at all, each breath feels like
an enormous effort, and my eyes seem to glaze over,
‘Cause I’m always getting ‘what are you looking at?’
and I can never quite answer, for sure.

I spend my life hating everything about the world,
Mostly I direct it all at myself,
I hate what I am, I hate who I am, I hate what I do,
I hate everything about my stupid, stupid self.
I hate everything about the world, mostly
the fact that I’m still in it, mostly the fact
that I’m a member of this society, I’m not
worth a thing, not worth a thing to anyone.