No Release

31/1/09
I climb into the shower.
I let the water be my tears
because I won’t cry over you yet again.
You’re too golden for that.
I stick out my tongue under the water
and wish I could be a child again.
A child who has nothing
but swings and slides.
So innocently oblivious.
I spit down the plughole
in disgust of my own weakness
trying to rid my body of
myself.I put my hand down my throat.I
put my teeth to my skinto feel some pain.
But I won’t let myself have the satisfaction
of that release.