Sweet bullets

29/4/11
I heard a sweetly, softly song sung by a gun,
And once I heard that noise, I begged for more,
But it needed a little more substance, a little more oomph
than just shooting at dead firewood,
I heard a sweetly, softly song sung by a gun
but I needed a more heartfelt one.

If you stand in my way, well you’ll be quickly erased,
Because each note that this gun sings I know is a sin,
But it sounds so, but it makes me everything
instead of the nothing I am sick of being,
If you stand in my way, well today’s not your day.

I blasted just one bullet away for some fun,
And heard all the screams, the scurrying away,
What a sweet and delicate noise, I thought to myself,
what a lovely note to follow my gun’s voice,
I heard a sweetly, softly song sung by a gun
and I am getting closer to a complete one.

If you stand in my way, well today’s not your day,
Because each note that this gun sings is beautiful,
And it sounds sweet, and it makes me a God
instead of the nothing I am so sick of rotting,
If you stand in my way, you’ll quickly be erased.

Oh, you stand in my way, I warned you didn’t I?
I gave you the fair warning you never gave me,
You see, I may have a gun but I am still more civilised than you,
I let the nice ones go, well some of them,
Depends how high the urge to kill is,
I let the nice ones go, it’s you I’m after,
And sometimes the nice ones are just collateral damage,

But don’t you see I’m cleaning up by making the biggest mess you’ll see?
And don’t you hear the sweet, and don’t you hear the sweetly singing gun?
It urges me on and so do all your pain filled screams, it seems
I am a monster too now. I am a monster now.

If you stand in my way, you’re sure to be erased,
Because each note that this gun sings is a beautiful sin,
And it sounds so, and it makes me everything
instead of the nothing I am so sick of being,
If you stand in my way, I will not hesitate

to hold this gun to your face,

If that’s how I have to get to the not so nice ones,
And I’ll let the nice ones go, for a while,
But I might shoot them in the back just to hear the sound,
And I’ll let the nice ones go, for a while,
But I might shoot them in the back just to taste the fear,

It’s a tradition, don’t you know?
It’s an April tradition to kill.
It’s a tradition, don’t you know?

Stand in front of me, this place is going to blow,
Stand in front of me and I’ll make sure of my aim,
Stand in front of me, this place is about to blow,
And I’m sorry for the collateral damage
but the world will be a better place.

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or search "heartbeat in a pen" ! thanks guys.

Stay Gold

3/4/11
And you’re a blank canvas
and I won’t dare make a mark on you,
But you say I already have made more than one,
And I won’t dare make you as dark as me,

I’ve secrets you have no part in knowing,
I’ve been places you shouldn’t roam in,
I’ve got secrets inside this chest that
would strip you off all your beautiful innocence,
And I won’t be the one to...

And you’re a blank canvas
and I wouldn’t touch you if you didn’t ask,
But you asked and I couldn’t help but just run
my fingers ever so gently across you,

And now you’re pulling at my heart
for all the secrets you know I’m keeping,
You’re begging to pull my ribs right apart,
But you don’t realise you’re compromising all your
beautiful innocence, and I won’t be...

I won’t be the one to...

If only you’d never, if only I’d been able to,
If only you’d never, if only Id been able to,
If only you’d never, if only I’d been able to
say no,
But the truth is I’m attracted to what I don’t have
and that’s where your purity comes in and I would rather break
your heart than your gold, stay gold,
But the truth is opposites attract
and that’s where your purity comes in and I would rather break
your heart than your gold, stay gold,

I’ve secrets you’ve no place knowing,
I’ve been places you shouldn’t roam in,
I’ve got secrets inside this chest
that would strip you of all your beautiful innocence,
And I promised myself
I wouldn’t be the one to strip you of all your...

But you’re pulling at my shirt,
And you’re reaching into my heart again
and I want so desperately for someone to know me,
But I won’t be the one to kill you,
And you’re pulling at my chest again,
And you’re reaching deep inside again
and I want so desperately for you to know me,
But I won’t be the one to kill you,

I’d sooner break your heart than splinter your gold,
stay gold, promise me, stay gold.

3/4/11
Ok, calm down, calm down,
Your hearts going a little too fast,
Ok, breathe now, breathe now,
Your heart will slow down,
You’re not dying, just breathe out.

Ok, calm down, calm down
I know it’s unsettling,
But you just need to breathe now,
Breathe deep, breathe out,
You’re not going to die, I promise.

Oh my heart’s trying to run through my chest
straight to the outside, trying to get out
of my ears, of my head, out of my chest.

Ok, calm down, calm down,
You’re hearts going a bit too fast,
But you’re in hospital now,
The best place to be, this will slow,
You’re not dying, just breathe now.

Ok, the tests are a good thing,
Better to know what’s wrong,
Ok, calm down, calm down,
You’re working yourself up now,
Just calm down,
You are not dying, just breathe out.

Oh my heart’s trying to barrel through my chest
straight to the outside, trying to get out
of my ears, of my head, out of my chest.

Ok, calm down, calm down,
You’re only twenty one,
Your heart beat is just strong,
But no that’s too fast,
and why do they look so worried?
Oh God, why do they have those looks
on their faces? Stop now, stop now.

Ok, calm down, you’re panicking now,
You’re only twenty one,
Nothing can be all that wrong,
Calm down, calm down, you’re
making it so much worse now,
Just breathe in and out and calm down.

Oh my heart is clawing at my ribs
just trying to make it out now,
I feel it in my ears, my chest, oh god,
just make it stop.

Ok, that’s good, calm down,
Just breathe in, hear the sound,
It’s starting to slow down
(Thank God)
Just keep on breathing
and stop looking at all the machines
every five minutes,
Ok, that’s good, calm down,
Just breathe in, hear the sound,
It’s starting to slow down
(Thank God)
Just keep on going now,

Let your eyes to rest, soon the feeling in your chest
will fade slowly, but fade surely,
Just let your eyes rest as you feel the hammering in your chest
start to fade slowly, but fade surely,
Just let your eyes to rest for a moment,

And just calm down.

3/4/11
You only get one lousy body so you better treat it right,
It’s pretty strong if you take care of it and it can put up quite the fight,
You only get one lousy body so you better treat it right.

This body I mistreated, this body I have neglected,
This body and now I’ll pay for all my mistakes
as my heart beats out of rhythm.

You only get one lousy life so you better get it right
pretty quick because if you don’t you’ve got quite the fight
on your hands, so you better get this life just right
first time

This life I mistreated, this life I have neglected,
This life and now I’ll pay for all my mistakes
as my mess grows around me.

You only get one vessel to live in so you better treat it nice,
It’s pretty strong if you take care of it exactly right,
You only get the one vessel to live in so you better treat it nice,

And I didn’t treat myself real nice,
I always am angry at myself
So I put my body and my mind
through hell time and time,
again. And I didn’t treat my body
real nice so now I am paying the price,
And I didn’t treat my mind real nice
an d there too I am paying the price,

Yeah you only get one lousy body so you better treat it right,
It’s pretty strong if you take care of it and it can put up quite the fight,
But you only get one, just one of them so you better get this right.

3/4/11
Oh God I can see the light, won’t you just let me out?
For a day or for an hour? To just get some sun on my skin,
It’s becoming so sour, so pale and god let me out for just an hour.

Oh God, I see the light shining through, the light I haven’t
seen for months, you locked me down here with a clue,
I’ve gone missing and no-one’s asking...

I spent the first month just screaming for my life
‘til my throat was scarred and my lungs worn out,
I spent the first month just screaming for my life
until I accepted that now this is ... my life.

Oh God, I wrench the door again and again but I
can’t find my way out, lights out, just let me out
for an hour or two, to just get some sun on my skin,
to just let me breathe some fresh air again.

It’s getting so stale in here, it’s been forever now,
And I can’t find any weakness in these walls,
I see the hidden eye-hole you look through,
And have I told you lately I think you’re disgusting?

And when he opens the door and I see the light for just a second,
I make a run for it but it shuts before I even get to glimpse...
And when he opens the door and the light burns my eyes,
I stumble but I just can’t make it before...

His hand comes down upon my face again,
I haven’t stopped trying,
His hand comes down...again,
I won’t ever stop trying,

I shout again and again but to no avail,
I shout over and over but it’s all in vain,
I scream again and again and again.

I was meant to live a life not a nightmare,
And God, if you were true would you really let this happen?
I was meant to live a life not a nightmare,
And God, if you were true would you really let me crumple,
fold and give in?

Well you don’t’ just look in through it, I look out too
at the rest of the world turning and turning and I wonder
why didn’t anyone ask whatever happened to my body?
What are the stories that have been fabricated for my disappearance,
And how I hope someone knows and is still looking
but I fear down here is my home and I’ll never be saved,
Not ever...be saved,

But I will make a run or stumble for it every time that he opens the door,
I won’t give in, my family is out there grieving somewhere,
And some days I fold, cry in a corner,
But I’ll keep fighting and I don’t care how often

his hand comes down upon my face again,
I won’t stop trying,
his hand comes down...again,
I won’t ever stop trying,

And I think he’s starting to see my determination,
And Oh God, this is starting to get desperate,
You see he’s getting buckets of water and filling up this well,
It’s up to my ankles now, Oh God get me out,
I write this on the wall but the water is beginning to strangle my neck,

I should have just given up, at least I would have lived,
I wonder as I begin to drown will they find my body now?
And become all confused, open up a closed case,
‘Cause what are the lies that they believe about me?

I can swim but I cannot hold my breath for long,
I can swim but I cannot see the light and I struggle
with the handle but it just won’t snap open,
I can swim but I cannot hold my breath much longer,
I can swim but I cannot find anything weak in the walls
and I really think that this is probably it,

I angered him too much or maybe just enough
for now I get relief from this horrible place,
I hope I don’t go to Hell because I feel I’ve
already lived it here but the things he made me do
will probably land me there, anyway,
I hope I don’t go to Hell because I’ve
already lived it through but the things he made me do
have probably reserved me a space,

Oh god, this is it, get me out of this mess,
Oh god, I’ve been praying, you’ve been saying
everything happens for a reason, but it’s been seasons,
Oh god, this is it, get me out of this mess,
Oh god, I’ve been praying and you’ve been making
excuses, I don’t think you’re true,
Oh god, this is it, my head is going under,
this body will come out mangled because he’s not finished
with me yet, oh god, this is your last chance,

Get me out of this mess,
I pray one last time in vain.

3/4/11
You think I fit into this little hole you dug all for me, how sweet,
Well I fell in and I couldn’t jump out, it was all dug out too deep,
You think this is where I belong because one size fits all,
But this is my life and there is no blanket rule,
Because no two people have the same DNA,
And no two people experience everything the same,

You think I fit into this little hole you dug all for me, well how sweet,
Well this is me climbing out and I can see you panicking,
I am individual and I am not the same as hundreds of other people
even if they might have felt the same way,
It is all about perception and emotions,
And no two people share the same shape of tears,

Well I don’t fit in this little hole you dug just for me,
Well I don’t fit under this stupid blanket,
You dug out a hole and then covered it up – a trap,
And you caught hundreds, even thousands,
But I throw always throw a rock first, so you’ll never get me,

You got me once and it took me so long to climb out,
I won’t put myself in that situation again, I swear
I’m done with labels and diagnoses that just paint out
the way I should act, the way I should feel,
Because no two people deal with situations exactly the same,
And despite what they say sometimes it’s time to change,

Well you dug me this beautiful tight little hole,
It was so comforting standing shoulder-shoulder
with all these people who felt like I did,
who thought like I did, who were just like me,
But now I can see the truth, nobody is just like me,
And that’s not a scary thought anymore – just a true one,
And that’s not a scary thought anymore – but a freeing one,

There is no blanket rule because we’re not all the same,
There is no one size fits all because this is just the game
of life, and if you give in you lose and if you put up,
you fight and you might have to fight your whole life
but it’s better than being in a box shoulder-shoulder
And I could hardly breathe.