Catharsis

7-6-09
Truth and feelings. Catharsis.
A feeling so consuming, so completely
overwhelming of my personality that there
are scratch marks from where I used to fight
before I gave in to my own warped mind.
Maybe I’ve just been fighting my innate self
all of this time, quashing my true self – my evil,
angry, hate-filled self with all these righteous feelings -
of guilt, fairness, reason.
Or maybe it’s events of past that have filled me with
anger and loathing, bitterness and sick desire,
I can’t even figure out my own mind and don’t even
bother to try ‘cause it’s changing all the time -
a calm river shows but when a small stone creates
a ripple, well you don’t see the ripple but inside it
explodes like a tsunami in my mind, I’m so perfect
at hiding, the only place perfection finds me.
A calm river remains, a mystery to the locals,
It never ripples – not even in the heavy rain,
But underneath the surface there’s a darkness,
Swallowing every ripple and forcing it right down
to its feet and sometimes, the locals get a show,
It doesn’t happen very often, it’s the stuff of legends,
When I let open my mouth and I scream and words
just tumble straight from my mind through my mouth,
And tears strangle my eyes but I won’t cry,
This is enough of a tragedy for one show and how
my throat hurts and how I sit staring at the ground,
And how I stare so delicate and ashamed.