-

18/6/09
A few lousy words to describe such a feeling,
Nothing but an understatement can be created,
But what else can I do with a cowardice tongue?
And lungs that crave to test their capabilities.
To scream every particle of air from these lungs
would be such a relief, to speak with wind
as my puppet - I would create a tornado,
Lift myself right off the ground as high as
I could spin just to see if anything up there exists,
But everything that goes up always comes down and I
don’t just come, I crash like an aircraft in a sealed off,
hidden area and I’m back on earth with two feet
nailed to the ground but I’m biting my lip to hide
the pain. And oh, I hope you appreciate the ulcers
I create inside my cheeks and the almost
permanent lump I’m swallowing in my throat,
My heart tries to climb up my body like a ladder,
As though a ladder could hold the weight, it
never makes it to my eyes and when these nails
start to loosen – my feet breathe oxygen – for a
second but I grit my teeth, close these eyes and I
screw it right back in to please them all, to
serve them all another day and all the tomorrows
I’m to survive will not change, I’ll inflict pain
just to stay as long as I can stay.