12/7/11
I said I wouldn’t count my chickens
but the eggs began to crack and I may
have told a lie,
Isn’t it funny how chickens can’t fly?

You took my wings away anyway
and now I’m left stranded and all I
seem to do is cry,
Isn’t it ironic how chickens can’t fly?

So I’m trapped in the wire fences
just standing in the line,
Waiting to be plucked out
and chosen to die,

Because chickens can’t fly.

19/7/11
I used to get so uncomfortable hearing my own footsteps,
Thinking I was on the path to – I wasn’t on a path at all,
I used to stare at the clock and flinch at the calendar,
But now I live for the times the light shines,
Right here, right now, when my mind finally feels fine,

I used to walk around with the world on my shoulders,
Taking blame for the things I had no hand in at all,
I used to fear the clock and cry about the calendar,
But now I live for the times the light shines,
Right here, right, I feel better than fine,

And I don’t care if it’s just another high
because it’s natural and I feel good, so good,
And I don’t care if this moment has a limit,
because it’s natural and I feel good, so good,

I used to crawl around on the floor just searching
for my entrance to Hell, I knew where I was headed,
Then one day I decided to stand and scale the walls
for the light, I’d spend days just searching
and sometimes I’d lay down and stare at the surrounding dark,
But I always got back up and I finally found the dimmer,

It’s still far from perfect but I finally feel worth it,
I live for the times the light shines,
Right here, right now, where I feel better than fine,
I live for the times the light shines,
I push through the dark because I know it always ends,
And right now, right here, I’m better than fine.

26/5/11
Do you feel the same guilt, the shame,
the pain I have to use to get through every day?
I used to wish for news that you’d jumped off a bridge
driven insane, but now today I hope you live
and just drown with the same guilt, the shame,
the pain that you put me through, how I hope
it doubles back up onto you and you
wish to simply die on the spot like I cried on the spot
for years as you,

Do you struggle to look your own eye
in the mirror, do you give in and cry at the monster
that you’ve always been, not become, always been
and you’ve got no excuse because I didn’t
grow up to be just like you, so I threw
all those theories down in the bin and god how I hope
your prayers for your sins just fail and drop
and God can abandon you the way he left me to you
for years as you,

Do you look back and wince at your actions,
see the tears that I cried that you couldn’t take as
a message to stop, let me out of this place, of this
memory, I’ve got nothing left and I’m barely
breathing as you, and again and again and it happened
for years but not just the years that it happened,
Because my head replays it all the time, awake or asleep,
It lives inside me like the monster you are,
And screw your excuses, I threw them away when I reached twenty one
and I haven’t hurt anyone the way you hurt me, so there goes
every sorrowful line about being hard done by makes you do bad things to others,

Only I have suffered at my own hand and I,
will keep it that way because I’m nothing like you,
And only I have suffered at my own hand and I,
will keep it that way because I am not like you,
And if I were I would sooner jump the bridge
than let such a monster, such a demon exist,
And only I have suffered, it’s painted on my wrist
for all to see the pain that you caused me,
to relive and relive and relive once again,
And only my own outsides, insides have suffered
at my own hands and I will keep it that way,
So face yourself in the mirror and look in your eye
and I hope that all you see is the hate

that has manifested in me for all these years,
that has been crawling through you for all those years,
You might’ve been young but I was younger
and I didn’t deserve the things that you did,
You might’ve been misunderstood but I know you knew
what you were doing, you don’t reach such an age
and not know right from wrong,
And you hid it, told me not to tell anyone,
And you hid it, and you did it for so long,
to fulfil some kind of sick, twisted urge,
And I know you knew you were wrong
when you hid it from everyone, and told me not to tell anyone,
So you can’t protest ‘but I didn’t know’,
Because you always knew, I was the one in the dark
until I grew to be your age and now I can see what you did to me

and I will turn out nothing like you so there goes every excuse.

Jumping flies

5/5/11
I will not be another statistic,
The increasing height of a line on a chart,
I won’t be another crazy kid sick with demons,
I won’t be another depressed head
who cannot take the issues of a world where
They’re dropping like flies,
jumping with lies,
jumping with their lives.

My goal must be made more than
to just be alive by the end of this month,
My life must be more than just trying to
make it through every hour,

I will climb the mountain but I won’t
hang myself with the rope.
I will fight fist to fist with every demon
and I will win. I will fight fist to fist
with every approaching enemy.
I will win where

they dropped like flies,
jumped with lies,
jumped with their lives.

And I salute because I know the feeling
but I won’t give in and I’ll live the life of those unlived,
And I salute because I know how easily
that could of been my body,
And I will live the life of those unlived.

-

26/5/11
I’m rushing out, I’m falling down,
What’s new here at this place anyway?
You’re asking, I’m lying, what’s new?
I’m bursting at the seams with the truth
that I just won’t spill to anyone,

Oh how my gut hurts and how you wish you were the first
but you’re not and you won’t be the last trying to dig up my past,
Oh how I wish I could change this and just find your,
just find your heart inside your arms.

I’m crashing down, I’m folding out,
What’s new here at this headspace anyway?
You’re crying at my obvious lying again,
I’m bursting at the seams with secrets
That I just won’t spill to anyone,

Oh god how my gut hurts and how you wish you were the first
but you’re not and you won’t be the last trying to dig up my past,
Oh how I wish I could change this and just find your,
just find your heart inside your arms.

I’m just giving in, I’m not the only one
beyond believing, my lies are getting ridiculous now,
You’re getting to know me and my eyes give me away,
That’s what you always say, at night when I get home,
That’s what you always say, I wish I were alone,
And I’m just giving in, I’m past believing,

Oh god, how my gut hurts and how you wish you were the first
but you’re not and you won’t be the last trying to dig up my past,
Oh how I wish I could change this and just find your,
just find peace inside your arms,

Once I laid there and I thought perfection, at last, perfection
erase my past but the bliss didn’t last and that’s when the lies start,
Once I laid there and I thought perfection, at last perfection
could erase my past but the bliss didn’t last and that’s where we start
to fall apart like all my flimsy excuses to where have I been
you know just where I’ve been and just what I’ve been doing,
And I thought I could outrun my past but my legs and lies didn’t last,

Oh god, how my gut hurts and how you wish you were the first
but you’re not and you won’t be the last trying to dig up my past,
Oh how I wish I could change this and just find your,
just find your heart inside your arms,

You’re reaching – it’s at a stretch now – and I’m scared to take that hand,
And you’re caring and I’ve never been more scared and I,
You’re reaching – it’s desperation now – and I’m scared to take that hand,
And you’re caring is really scaring me and I,

I cannot run away from this one more day – my legs are giving way,
And I was so stupid, you were always there to,
I cannot run away from this one more day as my legs give way,
I was so stupid, you were always there to catch me.

Sweet bullets

29/4/11
I heard a sweetly, softly song sung by a gun,
And once I heard that noise, I begged for more,
But it needed a little more substance, a little more oomph
than just shooting at dead firewood,
I heard a sweetly, softly song sung by a gun
but I needed a more heartfelt one.

If you stand in my way, well you’ll be quickly erased,
Because each note that this gun sings I know is a sin,
But it sounds so, but it makes me everything
instead of the nothing I am sick of being,
If you stand in my way, well today’s not your day.

I blasted just one bullet away for some fun,
And heard all the screams, the scurrying away,
What a sweet and delicate noise, I thought to myself,
what a lovely note to follow my gun’s voice,
I heard a sweetly, softly song sung by a gun
and I am getting closer to a complete one.

If you stand in my way, well today’s not your day,
Because each note that this gun sings is beautiful,
And it sounds sweet, and it makes me a God
instead of the nothing I am so sick of rotting,
If you stand in my way, you’ll quickly be erased.

Oh, you stand in my way, I warned you didn’t I?
I gave you the fair warning you never gave me,
You see, I may have a gun but I am still more civilised than you,
I let the nice ones go, well some of them,
Depends how high the urge to kill is,
I let the nice ones go, it’s you I’m after,
And sometimes the nice ones are just collateral damage,

But don’t you see I’m cleaning up by making the biggest mess you’ll see?
And don’t you hear the sweet, and don’t you hear the sweetly singing gun?
It urges me on and so do all your pain filled screams, it seems
I am a monster too now. I am a monster now.

If you stand in my way, you’re sure to be erased,
Because each note that this gun sings is a beautiful sin,
And it sounds so, and it makes me everything
instead of the nothing I am so sick of being,
If you stand in my way, I will not hesitate

to hold this gun to your face,

If that’s how I have to get to the not so nice ones,
And I’ll let the nice ones go, for a while,
But I might shoot them in the back just to hear the sound,
And I’ll let the nice ones go, for a while,
But I might shoot them in the back just to taste the fear,

It’s a tradition, don’t you know?
It’s an April tradition to kill.
It’s a tradition, don’t you know?

Stand in front of me, this place is going to blow,
Stand in front of me and I’ll make sure of my aim,
Stand in front of me, this place is about to blow,
And I’m sorry for the collateral damage
but the world will be a better place.

facebook group!

Hey guys I now have a facebook group up and running

http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/home.php?sk=group_107043662716601

or search "heartbeat in a pen" ! thanks guys.